.ofBeingCarrie.

That's it.
Screw it.
Time to play dirty.
Whatever it takes.
Boy, when you tell a "Carrie" you have something she's always wanted, expect nothing less from her but "whatever it takes."

This time, I'm not backing down.
Not as long as I don't need to.
*war face on*

 p/s: Happy birthday dear True Blue. You know I love you xx

.of complications.

Hanging out with boys put things into perspective.
Helps you "discover" things.
but then again, at the end of the day... you still want what you want.
and you still wanna ask questions.
Just so that you get that so called "closure".
Even though it's not something that you wanna hear.
Even though you KNOW what's the outcome.
You.Just.Need.Answers.
The realist in you KNOWS what's going down.
... but the girl in you just needs to HEAR everything.
The affirmation. The confirmation.
The bloody confrontation.
Even though you know it's all bullshit.
You just NEED to hear it from the horse's own mouth.
Every bloody bullshit. Every bloody crap.
Chr1s R0ck said girls are like cops. They can have all the evidence in the world, but they still need the confession.
Yes, fucking complicated.
That's just how girls are.
I'm not even gonna bother to deny it.
Girls are complicated.
Fucking screwed up. (and boys being the confused beings that they are don't help either!!)
We don't need you to understand us.
We just need you to love us.

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.
THAT, my boy, is the bottom line.

.which one.

It's decision time.
Trying to pick the easier option.
1- Going for what I want
2- Ignoring what I want just because it's "unavailable"

A little while back I asked "Why do I always have to back down? Who's backing down for me?"
Deep inside, I know why.
I want that clear conscience.
Knowing I do the right thing.
But really, it's about time I put myself first right?
So yeah, which is the easier option?

At this moment, all I could think about is "I want what I want. I don't wanna think about consequences. I don't wanna do the whole 'What ifs'."
But I don't know if  going for what I want is easier than ignoring it.
Both seems to be quite hard right now.
Urgh. Bloody internal conflicts.

. t e n t h .

The mother of all serendipity.
Knocked the living breath out of me.

You've hit the mark.
May amazing happiness find its way to you.

Love always,
Always, always xx

.Of Making That Turn.

I choose to see the good in others.
Yes, I DO have good instincts that tell me sometimes there aren't only good things in you.
I just choose to give you benefit of the doubt.
It makes things easier for me.
That doesn't mean it doesn't affect me.
I DO get affected. Sadly, sometimes, very much.
I didn't change.
And I will still remain the same. For as long as it takes.
For as long as I can manage.
You, on the other hand, has changed.
360 degrees turn.
Yes, back to square one.
Pretty much a complete stranger.
If you could just do a few degrees of turn, and get back to be the person I knew then we wouldn't have to go through the awkwardness that is there now.
It's all on you now.
Make that turn.
I know very well I'm rooted to this position.
And you know things can be good again.
No complications.
Easy.
Unlike now.

There. I said it.
Till then, be good, boy.
xx