sunday morning cry

With the tears streaming down my face, i realized that i would cry every saturday nite.. or more like every really early sunday morning. without fail. it's not that i never cry on any other day, i do.. but on a saturday nite, after 1 am or so (so kire sunday morning la kan?), i would definitely cry. definitely.
it usually starts with watching a movie.. of course, a touching one.. sometimes it doesnt even have to be a depressing one. even the slightest comment could make me cry. then from there it'd make me start looking back at my life.. of course, i have some unresolved issues.. and because of that, i start to cry even more. it then adds up with my homesickness n yada yada yada.. up to a point where i'd cry myself to sleep.
This time my weekly cry was contributed by Dawson's Creek.. kekeke.. i was watching the series finale of dawson's creek.... and.. i cried, like hell.. Maine was like saying, DC is sooo last season.. oh who cares woman! sedih ok! LOLz...
so yeah, it may seem silly or really childish to some of you.. but i dont care.. i'm not even gonna complain about the fact that i cry every week or be ashame of it. it makes me feel good. i let out when i cry... n for a while, i face the reality of it all. i hate to admit this, but i always find myself to be avoiding my true feelings.. i say something to myself or someone else, say something aloud.. so that it would somehow mask how i truly feel... when in reality, i feel the complete opposite of what i said out loud. crying makes me come to term of my true feelings n emotions, though only for a short while. once that's over, i will unfortunately continue to lie to myself... n others too.. i dunno why i do that.. maybe just so that i dont be depressed all the time or to make it seem as if my whole life is just perfect the way it is.. that it's ok to keep on dreaming for it may one day come true n make everything alright... i really dont know..
it sucks, really.. but i do know crying helps.. so i shall continue having my crying sessions for as long as i could, no matter how many weeks, months or years it take... till i would just give up and stop lying to myself and pretend as if i am happy just the way things are..
for now, i just wanna be honest with myself, while i still can.. and say i feel my life's a complete bollock!

"Dreams come true, but not free" - Joey Potter, DC