missing mama

My friend is going back home to msia 2moro for 2 months before he has to come back n continue with his grad school. so ive got some stuff that i wanted to kirim with him back to malaysia. i went to the bookstore earlier to get those big ass envelopes so that i can chuck stuff in. while i was there i picked up a card for mama.

and so while at work just now i took out the card and as i was writing on that card tears just started. i havent talked to mama since like the first day of raya. it's been that long. ive never like, gone this long without talking to her. its not like, ive intentionally been avoiding to call her or something. i just hasnt gotten around to do it. ive been either too caught up with stuff or too sleepy to stay awake. i dont want to call her during my daytime as that wud mean waking her up in the middle of the night. i dont want to call home during the weekend or earlier at nite as i still hv this unresolved issue with ayah (which of course, he doesnt know abt), and i dont want to hv to talk to him which, i will hv to if i call home. complicated, yeah, i know. its not that i hate him or anything. i totally dont. seriously. i just need to get over it before i can talk to him n be all cheerful and laugh whole-heartedly when he cracks one of his lame jokes. i need to be ok.

i miss my mama. i miss home. sigh. i just called her just now and totally had to control myself fr crying. she's got a guest in her office so im supposed to call her back later. im trying not to fall asleep so that id get to talk to her. ahh sedih skali. cant wait to talk to her n listen to all the gossip she has in store. my parents went back to jitra to see tok ayah over the weekend. im sure mama has endless stories to tell as usual. wonder who did what n who's getting married next.
seems like, theres always someone getting married somewhere. i think my parents are secretly happy that i am still in school which means that i wont be getting married anytime soon, not that i hv any intention to. like, helloooo no way. marriage is so not in the picture rite now. perhaps in another 5 years. maybe. i dunno. if someone still wants to marry me la kan at that age. hehe. who cares. its not something important. its not really up there in my to-do list. is it even on my to-do list?? hmmm... ehhhh.... ya udah.. blabbering non stop pula.

oh yeah, a big birthday shout out to my friend DD!! oh dear dd, Happy 23rd Birthday. hope ur bday was great, and may u find happiness, health, success, and everything that u desire. take care. xoxo