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" how much longer am i supposed to wait? it hasnt been just a few days. it hasnt been a few weeks. it has been months. after all these months, i thought ive paid my dues. i thought karma has done its job. and yet here i am still waiting for my turn. still up so late hoping that ud finally be awake.

i know ure busy. i know ure tired. i know uve always tried to make time. but its tiring to constantly be asking for some attention. u and i both know its not just abt the attention. its how we were before. its how good everything was. everyone keeps saying that i hv to be patient. just be patient. even i tell myself to be patient. but its hard when ure hurting inside. its hard to just smile, and keep telling myself that its ok. there's always later. but how long am i supposed to keep giving in and take a backseat to everything around u. how long am i supposed to be understanding and not demand to be prioritized? the world doesnt just revolve around u. im in it too. i get tired too. i hv my limits too.

as much as i keep comforting myself, i know nothing will ever change. it's always gonna come around to the same thing. im always going to have to say 'it's ok.' u wanted ur chance. and i gave u just that. the chance to screw up. the chance to slip up. the chance to suck up. the chance to make up for the past. i know it hasnt been easy. i know i havent been easy. is it never supposed to be easy?

it has been so dreadful. more pain and sorrow than joy and laughter. i dont know why its still going. yes, the love is there. but everyone knows love itself is not enough. is it going to end up being too late and too damaged to be fixed? in the movies, at the end, the girl will decide to get off the plane and return to the guy. but that's the movies. this is real life. what does it take to allow myself some happiness? am i allowed to be selfish? am i allowed to fight against time? or am i supposed to just wait for u to come around? to just be patient. to just be understanding. and keep on hoping that maybe, just maybe, today is my turn. but then again, maybe i just dont know what i want. and maybe im always gonna be asking for too much. always."

**disclaimer: this material is absolutely fictitious. any connection to anyone, either dead or alive, is purely coincidental. thank you.