mistake of expectations
as i get to know someone personally, i start having expectations, both good and bad. just generally how i'd expect them to behave, the things they do, their mindset, etc. i dont know why i hv them but i do. it's not like, i expect everyone i meet to have the most impeccable manners and so on. it's more like, "i know he'd do this.. i know he's capable of being like this.. i know this is how he'd talk/dress, etc" nothing major i believe. it's just the thing i do. merely something i keep in my head. i dont think it brings harm onto others. maybe to me but not much on other people. maybe a little. but not much. seriously.
i have been proven wrong numerous times. or sometimes, id consider it a major letdown. and sometimes, some people just surpasses my expectations, which would generally leave me completely astounded. i have been told in the past, that my expectations and standards are a tad too high. maybe they are. but i know well enough not to expect everyone to live up to my expectations to the very point of precision. after all, how can u live up to expectations of others, when u dont even know abt it rite?
it's sad really when i build up this pedestal for someone i care abt, and get repeatedly disappointed. or when i get my hopes built way up high for something to happen. and yet, when everything comes crashing down and falls apart, i start building again. it seems to be a vicious cycle. one might ask, if u know it's a never-ending process of building, then why bother? i guess it's like, you just cant help but keep on hoping and wishing, that maybe, just maybe, this time around, it's gonna be different. that perhaps all those long hours of trying to resolve things will eventually make a difference. it may also be a desperate pursuit of happiness. and that u care. u actually care a lot to keep on building.
very few people actually learn from their mistakes. at that very moment, when u realize that it's a mistake, u would feel a sense of remorse. but more often that not, u would just keep on repeating the same thing without even realizing it until maybe it's too late, and u realize that "oh i'm making the same mistake again.." it's ok if u keep on buying clothes two sizes too small thinking that maybe u mite work urself into losing that extra 5 pounds of flab but in the end just got pushed deeper into ur closet. it's still ok if u keep forgetting to pay ur rent and then hv to pay the extra 15 bucks late fees. but what if the same mistake ure making involves that one person u really dont wanna lose?
perhaps it's so much easier to take things for granted when u know it's not actually lost forever. that it will always find its way back to u or that u will always get it back. no big deal rite? or perhaps it's that state of denial where u think u wud never ever make the same mistake. well, that's why they say "Never say never." because, my dear friend, u just never know.. cos shit happens. and when shit happens, it's usually bad. then again, u cud always say that it's beyond u. cos sometimes, things are beyond u.
i dunno how i got fr all that expectations thing on to mistakes. maybe i feel like im making a mistake of constantly having expectations. i dunno. i really dont. it's just one of those moments where i guess i hv all these thoughts jumbled up in my head. and i start questioning. being in a pool of self-doubts cant possibly be good to anyone. but i think it helps u get within urself and try to spoon out some answers. or maybe not. i dont know. at this very moment, im sad to say that i dont know anything. i dont know how is this going to end. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont know if i actually made a difference. i dont know if u actually cared. i dont even know what the hell ive been rambling about. i am just clueless. but im still hoping. and i still have some faith left. i just hope my own faith wont let me down to leave me with nothing.
i have been proven wrong numerous times. or sometimes, id consider it a major letdown. and sometimes, some people just surpasses my expectations, which would generally leave me completely astounded. i have been told in the past, that my expectations and standards are a tad too high. maybe they are. but i know well enough not to expect everyone to live up to my expectations to the very point of precision. after all, how can u live up to expectations of others, when u dont even know abt it rite?
it's sad really when i build up this pedestal for someone i care abt, and get repeatedly disappointed. or when i get my hopes built way up high for something to happen. and yet, when everything comes crashing down and falls apart, i start building again. it seems to be a vicious cycle. one might ask, if u know it's a never-ending process of building, then why bother? i guess it's like, you just cant help but keep on hoping and wishing, that maybe, just maybe, this time around, it's gonna be different. that perhaps all those long hours of trying to resolve things will eventually make a difference. it may also be a desperate pursuit of happiness. and that u care. u actually care a lot to keep on building.
very few people actually learn from their mistakes. at that very moment, when u realize that it's a mistake, u would feel a sense of remorse. but more often that not, u would just keep on repeating the same thing without even realizing it until maybe it's too late, and u realize that "oh i'm making the same mistake again.." it's ok if u keep on buying clothes two sizes too small thinking that maybe u mite work urself into losing that extra 5 pounds of flab but in the end just got pushed deeper into ur closet. it's still ok if u keep forgetting to pay ur rent and then hv to pay the extra 15 bucks late fees. but what if the same mistake ure making involves that one person u really dont wanna lose?
perhaps it's so much easier to take things for granted when u know it's not actually lost forever. that it will always find its way back to u or that u will always get it back. no big deal rite? or perhaps it's that state of denial where u think u wud never ever make the same mistake. well, that's why they say "Never say never." because, my dear friend, u just never know.. cos shit happens. and when shit happens, it's usually bad. then again, u cud always say that it's beyond u. cos sometimes, things are beyond u.
i dunno how i got fr all that expectations thing on to mistakes. maybe i feel like im making a mistake of constantly having expectations. i dunno. i really dont. it's just one of those moments where i guess i hv all these thoughts jumbled up in my head. and i start questioning. being in a pool of self-doubts cant possibly be good to anyone. but i think it helps u get within urself and try to spoon out some answers. or maybe not. i dont know. at this very moment, im sad to say that i dont know anything. i dont know how is this going to end. i dont know what im supposed to do. i dont know if i actually made a difference. i dont know if u actually cared. i dont even know what the hell ive been rambling about. i am just clueless. but im still hoping. and i still have some faith left. i just hope my own faith wont let me down to leave me with nothing.
"So it's safe to say that we've been here before,
Heart torn out, Down for the count,
And still come back for more,
This lesson is learned too well,
Though only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed"
- "Saddest Girl Story"- The Starting Line
I had nothing better to do at
12:22 PM
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