where did my corny supply gone to?

i try so hard to be all positive abt everything, being totally optimistic. but i cant help but feel like, ohmygaaaaawddd!!! it's only february and its already shitty? 2006 was not a good year for me. it really wasnt. and so when 2007 came, i was hopeful. that perhaps, this year, everything will take a turn for the better. i'll get what i want (at least some of them), be happy at least 80% of the time, have my dreams n wishes come true, u know the drill.. yet here i am, sad to report that no, it has NOT been good.

ive been avoiding the blog like a plague cos im so sick n tired of sounding oh-so-totally depressing. tapi nyaaaaa... i need a release. i need to write n be depressing cos that's the only way i get to let it all out. i cant be all depressed with my mom cos she'll get worried. my best friends hv their own problems and so i dont want to add more for them. mr bf, ermm, yeah, like, ermm, yeah i cant be depressed with him. so yeah. bleurgghhh..

and so, what do u do when u find yourself feeling like u need to ask for support, to make him, make u feel loved, or to get any kind of romance at all? do u keep on making an issue out of it n risk the fact that he's gonna be all annoyed, pack up, and leave? orrrr u just put up with it for the next 4 months hoping that ull get used to it? and along the line be all miserable n shit.. owhh im not liking the options here. i need romance, i need all the corniness, sappiness, and cheesiness that i can possibly get cos 4 months without them, is too long of a time.

eh, drama aja kan? hahaha.. i know.. sad... i think im selfish. cos i totally hv to hv what i want in a relationship. but then, ga salah bukan? i feel like ive given enough to be asking for some back. how much is some supposed to be before some becomes too much? so where exactly do we draw the line for some to no longer be some, but instead, too much? im not making much sense here, am i?

oh jeezzzz, seriously! i just want to feel totally loved. to wake up in the morning feeling all lovely. to be light on my feet. to walk around with a silly grin waiting to pop out. to hang up the phone feeling all goooey and silly. to have some of the butterflies in my tummy that i used to hv. to feel special. to feel so beautiful. loved just the way i am. ekkk i want all that. u cant say that i cant hv all that because its long distance. i know i can. i did hv them all. u shudnt make the distance as an excuse for a relationship to go blaaahh. relationships that last the longest are the ones you fight the hardest for. i just dont want to feel lousy anymore. to feel like im just a permanent source of headache. like im just a major annoyance and frustration. im sorry. but im just trying to be happy. im trying.