today, i hate friday.
today i am fidgety. im on edge. every little thing annoys me. maybe not annoy. perhaps irks. whatever. same diff. the microwave door is not shut. the paperbags in the way. hersheys catalog amat senget in the stack. the ac making this cackling noise. the little things.
im supposed to be studying. there's an exam tomorrow. i cant seem to do much of that. i fidget too much. and look around being annoyed at all these things around the room. i dunno why.
maybe cos my samui fund has majorly been used. yet, i still have so much to buy. or that i wont be able to clear my credit card debt by the time i leave. unless mama tiba2 drops 1 grand by this weekend in my acc which, like, na'ah wont happen.
or the anticipation of friday, april 27th. sigh. i would hv to spend the whole of friday controlling urges. supressing emotions. shutting my mouth shut. trying fucking hard to be ok. to not reach for the phone. the anticipation is killing me.
i wish there wont have to be friday the 27th. it makes me nervous. im trying hard. come to think of it maybe the next day or the day after the next day would be worse. cos thats when the results are out. thats when i get to see stuff. thats when im forced to deal. i dont know what to expect. i dont want to be in a position where everything i see is ugly. where i dont hv any other options but to break down and cry. i dont want to be in a position where i question my solid stance. or my continuously crumbling significance.
i would need to get pissed drunk to go through friday. ive came up with a list of endless things to do. to keep me occupied. but hey, i know very well that even though ur body is moving frantically, ur mind could easily be elsewhere. n then u crash and fall. n when u crash, nobody else would be there but urself. ure forced to pick urself up from the floor. wipe away the mess. and try hard to stand up with as much dignity as u can possibly gather. sometimes, the floor is a much better option.
i still hv 3 more days before friday. 3 more days of painful agony. then friday comes. it would b complete torture. n then it's the aftermath that i would hv to deal with. n that wont end. i wish, i hope, and i pray i will make it through this. i would not be unharmed, that i am sure of. i just hope ill get some sensitivity that would help carry me through this. or that miracle would happen. oh who am i kidding. miracles dont happen to me.
my heart is in pain. 3 more days before i crash and fall. again. n then i get one week to recover. the aftermath is a bigger disaster in itself. but let me deal with friday first. today, i hate friday. and it's not even here yet.
im supposed to be studying. there's an exam tomorrow. i cant seem to do much of that. i fidget too much. and look around being annoyed at all these things around the room. i dunno why.
maybe cos my samui fund has majorly been used. yet, i still have so much to buy. or that i wont be able to clear my credit card debt by the time i leave. unless mama tiba2 drops 1 grand by this weekend in my acc which, like, na'ah wont happen.
or the anticipation of friday, april 27th. sigh. i would hv to spend the whole of friday controlling urges. supressing emotions. shutting my mouth shut. trying fucking hard to be ok. to not reach for the phone. the anticipation is killing me.
i wish there wont have to be friday the 27th. it makes me nervous. im trying hard. come to think of it maybe the next day or the day after the next day would be worse. cos thats when the results are out. thats when i get to see stuff. thats when im forced to deal. i dont know what to expect. i dont want to be in a position where everything i see is ugly. where i dont hv any other options but to break down and cry. i dont want to be in a position where i question my solid stance. or my continuously crumbling significance.
i would need to get pissed drunk to go through friday. ive came up with a list of endless things to do. to keep me occupied. but hey, i know very well that even though ur body is moving frantically, ur mind could easily be elsewhere. n then u crash and fall. n when u crash, nobody else would be there but urself. ure forced to pick urself up from the floor. wipe away the mess. and try hard to stand up with as much dignity as u can possibly gather. sometimes, the floor is a much better option.
i still hv 3 more days before friday. 3 more days of painful agony. then friday comes. it would b complete torture. n then it's the aftermath that i would hv to deal with. n that wont end. i wish, i hope, and i pray i will make it through this. i would not be unharmed, that i am sure of. i just hope ill get some sensitivity that would help carry me through this. or that miracle would happen. oh who am i kidding. miracles dont happen to me.
my heart is in pain. 3 more days before i crash and fall. again. n then i get one week to recover. the aftermath is a bigger disaster in itself. but let me deal with friday first. today, i hate friday. and it's not even here yet.
I had nothing better to do at
1:22 AM
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