some things are beyond ur control

im watching Girl Next Door. the scene where she's lying there on her stomach, with her eyes closed listening to some music in her headphones, n he sits there staring at her. that sense of longing in his eyes. I forgot how that feels like. that feeling that u get when u feel adored. like, in his eyes, there's only u. u alone.

"In two more years, my sweetheart,
we will see another view
Such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: "Be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way"
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever "
- "Two More Years", Bloc Party

it has been a crazy week. exams, projects, that whole boring detail. ive been tired. and ive been sick. yeah this isnt a good time to be sick. but some things are beyond ur control. uve got to just find it within u to pull through and not drown underneath the surface of the water when u could still see the ray of light flickering softly on ur face.

theres this banquet tomorrow. i wont even hv time to get ready because id hv to work n only close up when its time to go for the banquet. id only get like, i dunno, 5 minutes to get into a dress n be ready. kinda sucks but oh well. as i said, some things are beyond ur control.

id be home soon. i wanna feel excited. i do get excited at times for a few reasons. but more often i am worried. i am hopeful. but i am worried. i can wish n pray as hard as i could possibly can but at the end of the day, u cant change how the other person feels. it is not within my power to change others' feelings. yet i remain hopeful. i guess it's true when they say that u always always gotta be ready to crash and burn because life has its own tricks and if ure not prepared, ure just gonna lose urself amidst all the chaos.

"i wake up in a cold sweat, come to grips with reality
take a deep breath and lie back down wearing my badge of infamy
when the bulb in my night light flickers, flickers, flickers and dies
i'm left alone, staring at my ceiling once again"
- "Nocturnal emission", Eve 6

grey's anatomy was 2 hours just now. good fix. good fix indeed. made some stress balls earlier. cool stuff. now i cant stop squeezing the balls. im addicted. addicted to balls. heh. funny that. reminds me of Fez when he said, "guys, look! my balls are black n blue." classic. there were blue balls. but no black. mine are pink. like of course.

ive had to go through a week without my beloved, most precious lappie. the adapter got busted. had to wait till the new one finally came after my torture. the whole time being laptop-less, i ended up watching so much crap on tv. too much crap. good thing i get to do the whole online thing at work. or i guess i wud die. i wud seriously. seriously. that gave mr bf a little break fr my constant nagging n whining abt coming online. yay him.

going to the mall 2moro. good thing we wont be long. money's seriously running out. fund's getting dangerously low. good thing mama has back up for me when i get back. major, major relief. she even ok-ed to swipe the gold nanti. not like she hasnt. she did give it to me after all. ive just been good. so not too worried. just the fact that my own money is running low. like, mine. totally mine. but yeah. how can u go to the mall n not spend some money. i cant even go to walmart n not spend a dime.

im smelling food. i need to get rid of all the food stuff ive got before i leave. but ive been busy. and tired. and sick to even make the effort to cook. i dont wanna leave the stuff to just expire. such a waste. i need to cook more. well i hv a few days after my finals before i head home. i can cook then. in between packing my stuff. i can feed the boys. theyll eat my stuff. oh im salivating just thinking of all the food ill get to eat 24 hrs a day. whenever i feel like. whatever i feel like. oh heaven. i will be home soon. now deal with that, bitch.