the ayah issue

ever since i came back, ive never had any arguments with my ayah. no matter how much he was wrong, how much he annoyed me with his comments, i kept quiet. just shrugged it off. im only home for 3 months. i dont wanna waste time arguing.

this is how my ayah is. he wants things done his way. if it's not done his way, it's wrong. he expects me to do things on my own, which i hv totally no problem with, and i HAVE been doing things myself. but then, he also expects me to do it his way. like, hello? if i do it myself, i can do it in whatever way i want rite? i think that just because it's not done like how he would want it, it doesnt mean that its wrong.

ayah also comments on everything. he does. he really does. he has something to say about everything. i really dont care abt him doing this but what annoys me is that he comments on everything abt me too. right from my studies (well, he's a dad, that's his job so i dont quite mind this), down to the silly things like what i eat (i dont eat enough veggie), my hair (he thinks theyre too long), my clothes (too revealing, like pffbbt!), and even my shoes (they dont look classy. gimme money then!). it's safe to say that he generally disapproves of what i choose to wear on most days.

so yeah. ive been good. i dont talk back. i wear only decent stuff when im with him. i do everything he or mama asks me to do. i dont come home late, 1.30 am the latest. i stay home on weekends to spend time with the family. ive been totally good. until today. yeapppp.

we went out for lunch. he kept dissing what me n mama ordered. he just went on n on. mama was visibly upset but she kept quiet. so of course, me being a total mummy's girl just had to say something. so i said "ayah, this is what i want. i came here n i felt like eating this. tak kisahlah nasi goreng je. if i wanted something else i would have ordered it. cozy je, bukannye some fancy expensive restaurant." he still wanted to have his way but all he could say was "tak bolehla! tak kena!"

later at nite he asked me to make mi sedap for him. i dont mind at all. then he started giving me instructions. with his mi, he wanted eggs. he wanted udang kering. he wanted bawang besar. he wanted vinegar. i was like, whoaaaa wait a minute. so i nicely said "maggi is supposed to be something easy. something u can eat and masak dengan senangnya. tak payah sikit pun." n of course that pissed him off. so off he went like a train scolding me. n all that time i was thinking "i didnt even say i wasnt gonna make it for him." mama ended up making the mi for him, which i believe he still hasnt eaten. he scolded her for making it. n of course, he's not talking to me or mama. she's on my side. in the kitchen, she said to me "u tau la ayah macam mana. this is what i have to put up with all the time."

my good daughter streak ended today. at least in ayah's book. im just so tired. ive been good. im not 10 anymore. im turning 24. i understand that he's still my dad and i will forever be the little girl. i just wish he'd just lay off the petty issues. lemme have my hair the way i want. lemme wear those ballet flats i love so much. lemme watch that movie without him going on n on abt how it insults muslims, etc. cos hey, personally i dont care.

i know im not a bad person. my parents brought me up well. i turned out alrite. i have good manners. im polite. i behave well. i carry myself well. so if he has the confidence to let me leave the country, arrange everything on my own, and tell me that he never had to worry abt me cos ive been independent, why cant he allow me to make my own life's little decisions. let me choose what i want to wear. what i want to eat. what i watch. just let me be. these arent even major issues to deal with.

haish. im just ranting cos im frustrated. i hv no resentment. im just frustrated. 2 more weeks left and this is what i hv to deal with. now i really need to go out tomorrow and shop.