.s c a r e d.
My niece had this science experiment that she took home from her kindy. You know the one which they put beans on wet cotton and wait for it to sprout?
She was naturally high on excitement, checking it every 5 minutes to see if there's any changes. I told her that she'd have to wait for quite a while before something comes out of the tiny beans. She then exclaimed loudly that it will grow and grow and grow to be so big. As big as her tiny arms can stretch apart which I think she feels is already reallllyy big. I could only smile and say okay.
Seeing her excitement, I just didn't have the heart to tell her that "No, it will just die very soon." Everything will die. Everything expires. As much as you don't want it to, as much as you try to stop it, it will end.
I know I'm bitter. I am. I really am. It's just hard not to. I gave it my all, all the way through, goddamnit. I fought my way through. Nobody could ever, EVER say I didn't try hard. Here I am, after all that, STILL trying. STILL fighting my way through. Still holding on to whatever teeny tiny flimsy thread I can.
and more importantly, I am scared. I really am.
At the end of a horrible day, who's going to sit with me, hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay? Especially when the horrible day just keeps coming back?
She was naturally high on excitement, checking it every 5 minutes to see if there's any changes. I told her that she'd have to wait for quite a while before something comes out of the tiny beans. She then exclaimed loudly that it will grow and grow and grow to be so big. As big as her tiny arms can stretch apart which I think she feels is already reallllyy big. I could only smile and say okay.
Seeing her excitement, I just didn't have the heart to tell her that "No, it will just die very soon." Everything will die. Everything expires. As much as you don't want it to, as much as you try to stop it, it will end.
I know I'm bitter. I am. I really am. It's just hard not to. I gave it my all, all the way through, goddamnit. I fought my way through. Nobody could ever, EVER say I didn't try hard. Here I am, after all that, STILL trying. STILL fighting my way through. Still holding on to whatever teeny tiny flimsy thread I can.
and more importantly, I am scared. I really am.
At the end of a horrible day, who's going to sit with me, hold my hand and tell me it's going to be okay? Especially when the horrible day just keeps coming back?
I had nothing better to do at
3:18 PM
1 Comments:
hi Ati..
I know I should be one to talk, but judging from past experience, I now know that love isn't supposed to hurt you, but it's supposed to protect you. It's when there's too much heartache going on, that you know maybe this isn't the person you should be with. The man that you're with shouldn't make you feel like you want to stop breathing because it hurts so much...instead, he should make you feel like you're the luckiest girl in the planet to be alive, because you have someone who is there for you and will love you unconditionally. I'm sorry you have to go through this babes, but I wish you could see what an fabulous person you are, and how you really don't deserve to be this down and depressed. And trust me, one day you WILL be with someone who will appreciate you for all that you are, and will never let you go through this much pain. Keep your chin up babes, always remember that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Even if you can't see what that reason is, trust that there is something to be learned from all this. *HUGS*
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