.b a d.
I know I've got it bad, really, really bad when:
- I can't eat properly cos of some stupid tummy viral infection.
- I haven't slept properly in over a month minus a few nights when I was too drugged out.
- my blood pressure is constantly low hence the dizziness and feeling nauseous all the time.
- visiting the doctor is like a daily routine.
- the doctor advised me to try and not pass out so that I won't risk getting a seizure.
- without makeup, I look soooo bad.
- I have permanent dark circles and eyebags.
- I have been losing weight.
- I vomit everyday.
- my drawer is like a freaking pharmacy full of drugs.
- I constantly feel like heat is emitting from around my shoulders and neck.
- I have a whole long list of what's wrong with me, health-wise.
- I'm unhappy every single day.
- I'm under massive emotional stress.
- I cry everyday.
- the more I know, the more I see, the more I hear, the more I discover, the more it hurts inside.
- I have to force myself to be okay.
- I am tired and exhausted all the time from trying to be okay.
but then again, who cares right? I sure as hell know you don't.
- I can't eat properly cos of some stupid tummy viral infection.
- I haven't slept properly in over a month minus a few nights when I was too drugged out.
- my blood pressure is constantly low hence the dizziness and feeling nauseous all the time.
- visiting the doctor is like a daily routine.
- the doctor advised me to try and not pass out so that I won't risk getting a seizure.
- without makeup, I look soooo bad.
- I have permanent dark circles and eyebags.
- I have been losing weight.
- I vomit everyday.
- my drawer is like a freaking pharmacy full of drugs.
- I constantly feel like heat is emitting from around my shoulders and neck.
- I have a whole long list of what's wrong with me, health-wise.
- I'm unhappy every single day.
- I'm under massive emotional stress.
- I cry everyday.
- the more I know, the more I see, the more I hear, the more I discover, the more it hurts inside.
- I have to force myself to be okay.
- I am tired and exhausted all the time from trying to be okay.
but then again, who cares right? I sure as hell know you don't.
I had nothing better to do at
6:49 PM
2 Comments:
ati, please take care of yourself!!! smile that awesome smile of your ati! :D :D
I knew you once. Along time ago on the other side of the planet. You sent me an email and I found your blog. Dont mean to be snooping but I was thinking of you one day a few weeks ago and I found your pain. I'm sorry. And it makes me mad to think of all the energy you put out to come here and go to school and get a degree and then be sick and depressed and struggling. My name is Tom McGuire. I helped your group with the car window project. I'm good at helping people and fixing things but you of course are not a machine and it makes me sad to say I don't know what you can do. My best advice is to divide all problems down to their least common denominators and and solve each one, one at a time. But that's an engineer talking. Perhaps it would be more helpful to say it was a pleasure working with you, You were a beautiful flower in this cold rusty junk yard of a place. You brought us color and style. And style is everything.
I don't know how I happened to look for you when you were crying out, but it makes me think that there could be this fine golden thread that connects us all in spirit.
I wish you well and I just want you to know that you gave us something beautiful while you were here.
tomsculpture@hotmail.com
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