. t h a t .

It's that constant disappointment.
It's that repetitious horrible feeling of rejection and dejection.
It's that heavy feeling you have when you wake up.
It's that constant struggle to smile.
It's that daily cry-myself-to-sleep routine.
It's that knowledge that the love, hugs and kisses are not mine to have and will never be mine.
It's subconsciously forgetting to breathe often.

.. that makes me wish the earth would just open up and swallow me whole so I can have my "2012" right this moment.